The Wordsmith

Its been 3 days since my grandmother came back home and I have still not spoken a word to her. No sir!! Not a word!!

Our only means of communication are the wild gestures which my grandmother makes. if she swings her hand in circles above her head and points to a room I am to understand that she wants me to switch off the fan in a particular room. If she turns her fist in a clockwise direction it means i need to switch off the gas, if its anticlockwise it means I need to put it to sim. If she points a hand to her mouth and shakes her fist it means she is asking me if I am hungry, if she point to her head and then to the main door it means she is asking me to wear a cap and go out of the house because its very hot, if she makes a C around her eyes it means she wants me to fetch her glasses and so on and so forth

Before you guys start imagining that she is suffering from some severe disease which has rendered her speechless let me hasten to reassure you that the only disease she is suffering from is chronic talking on the phone caused due to abstaining from talking on the phone for 40 days.

Now my grandmother, the youngest of the 9 siblings of the NI family is THE hub of information of the family. Any kind of information, gossip, news which any member of the 1000 member family wants to know, they know the one person to contact. My grandmother.

The way she keeps tracks of birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, births etc is just astounding. Its a standard joke at home that had she been born 40 years later she would have been in one of those IIMs for the kind of analytical and management skills that she possesses, not to mention her shakuntala devi like mathematical skills wherein she can multiply 2 four digit numbers in her mind and give us the answer in under 30 seconds :O:O

So basically because of not having access to her main office (her house here in Chennai at which at any given point of time she will be seen talking to some random relative) for a month she had missed out on a lot of important family stuff and once she came to Chennai her behavior was not unlike a Somalian kid which has not been fed for 40 days and is suddenly let into a room full of world famous delicacies and the lady who started talking 3 days back has not yet stopped.

Right from the Cheenu mama who is celebrating his 80th birthday, to Lakshmi Maami whose grand daughter is marrying a *GASP* Nair to Babu who lost his job to Meera whose husband has been diagnosed with cancer there is a dizzying amount of information about my family which is right now being processed in my grandmothers head and being stored in different locations in her medulla oblongata. The very scope of the whole thing leaves me breathless. 10 children who in turn gave birth to a minimum of 4 children who in turn married and continued the process of giving birth and generally supplying the world with more of the NI clan, which now makes the NI family a formidable family with a whooping 1000 odd relatives spanning across 4 generations and 5 continents, the hub of information being not yahoo groups, not google groups but a frail old lady about 4 and a half feet high cradling a phone between her ear and shoulder in Adyar Chennai.

So basically for the past three days when she has been so much on the phone catching up with and filling in people that we have still not had a chance to talk about her trip, my mom, my home town and such and I have a feeling I will have to learn sign language if I have to understand her.
Sample this.

The other day I got up in the morning to find her talking to someone (not unusual). I causually picked up my paper, my mug of horlicks and was browsing through the paper when I suddenly saw her gesturing wildly. (not unusual)

Paati (gesturing): moving hands violently in circles, points to her clothes, points to the balcony while nodding her head furiously apparenlty acknoledging the person on the other end (I for one have never been able to understand how the other person would see her vigorous and earnest nodding but she doesnt agree)

Me (thinking): Maybe she wants me to take the clothes in the balcony from the clothes line because its windy

Proceeding to take the clothes (wet) from the clothes line and wondering why paati wanted me to take them off when there is no wind

Suddenly she gestures even more wildly and I stand there with a witless expression on my face while she continues to move her hands wildly. I proceed to take off all the clothes from the clothes line quickly thinking she is irked by my lethargic pace.

Suddenly she asks the person to hold (very very unusual) and says "Yenna di pandra" (what are you doing?)

"Nee yenna paati solla try pandra?" (What are you saying paati?)

"Ayyoo. Nimadhiya phone pesa vida maata. yenna pandra?" (you wont let me talk on the phone in peace. What are you doing?)

"Nee dhaane paati rhombha kaathu adikardhu so clothes balcony lendhu eduthuru nu sonna?" (Well, you asked me to take the clothes off the clothes line coz it was windy)

"Ayyyo, na washing machine lendhu clothes edukka sonnen. Kadavule" (I asked you to take the clothes from the washing machine in the balcony)

*looking extremely sheepish*

"Seri seri. nee phone pesu."

So everyday from now till all the give and take of information from the hub has been done is going to be the same and to make matters worse we have two phones at home and more often than not I see paati running between one phone and another playing her role of a hub to a T.
I am not sure when I will be able to talk to her in next so I am doing the next best thing. I come to office and call her while I am having breakfast and talk to her for about 15 minutes ON THE PHONE.

If not for you Sir Graham Bell I would still be able to talk to my grandmother in person!! :-


P.S: Yeah yeah!! I know the title doesnt make sense. Sue me!! :-