The Wordsmith

When I was little kid/adolescent/ difficult teenager there were times when in a fit of anger and rage I would wish for unspeakable things. For the school building to burn down, for my teachers to die so i wouldnt have to go to school (til class 3 i HATED going to school), for my parents to get lost somewhere so they wouldnt trouble me, for my sister to lose her eyesight so she wouldnt be able to see me and pick on me, fantasize about running away thinking that is the only way my parents would repent their sins and cry for years trying to find their lovely daughter who run away because of the untold atrocities meted out on her and eventually discover that she has become a blind beggar in Surat railway station (errr..Their sins/atrocities being asking me to study, not to fight with my sister, not to slam doors etc) and imagine and wish for many such equally gory things. 

My grandmother would tell me not to wish for such things because sometimes they have an uncannily eerie way of coming true. Say only good things when you are in the house she would say coz in the corners of the house lurk the "Vaasthu" gods who keep saying "Thathasthu Thathasthu" (So be it, So be it) for everything that you say.

I never did believe her till the day my school ACTUALLY did get burnt down and principal did ACTUALLY die in the Babri Masjid riots in 1992 when Hindu extremists burnt down a part of the muslim missionary school which i used to attend then. 

After that I have always been careful about the things I have said taking care to go to some open ground or toilet (I figured Vaasthus wouldnt reside in toilets to say Thathsthu to what i said :roll:)and scream my gory desires out. 

Well i guess i let down my guard when sometime last month during a particularly stressful period in the project I went home and screamed to a friend of mine on the phone "OMG!! I wish I didnt have to do Java coding. I sooo hate it. I wish I could just quit. I don’t care if lose my job. I don’t give a damn about the salary or anything, I just want to do something I like. if i see another computer screen which says 'NullPointerException' I SWEAR i will quit" 

Well the Vaasthus at home who were sitting idle suddenly perked up their ears and unanimously said "Thathsthu" 

Yes!! The time has come for me to quit IT and seek my fortune elsewhere.

Right now if there was an emotions meter which could guage my feelings with two extremes one which said "deliriously happy" and the other which said "extremely sad" I think the meter would fluctuate ike CRAZY between the two extremes stopping for some time in the middle at a point called "apprehensive" 

Yes! I am deliriously happy because I am going on to do something which I LOVE doing and which i know will give me immense happiness and job satisfaction if not a fat pay check 

Yes! I am extremely sad because i HONESTLY adore cognizant. I have never had any complaints with the organization, I love the work atmosphere, I love the transparency, I have made a lotttttttttttt of friends here, I have honed my writing skills here, I have fallen in love repeatedly with different aspects of the internal blogging syste,, I wouId like to think I have matured (Yeah right!! P), I have worked with an amazing team and extremely nice superiors for the past two years and for that i will ALWAYS be indebted to cognizant. If I had chosen to be in IT I genuinely wouldn’t want to be in any other company except cognizant. 

But Java got to me. Every time i looked at a java code I had about as much affinity to it as Bajji does for Symonds or Pam Anderson does for clothes. Nil. 

Every time I looked at the computer to read a blog or a mail from the umpteen friends i have made here at cognizant, my face would brighten up, my eyes would light up, a smile would be pasted on my face and the minute I did Alt+Tab to look at a bug in my Java code it was as if after treating me to a six course meal in a wonderful place someone had given me a plate with just one idly from the cafeteria. I would be morose till I somehow fixed the bug. At the end of the day except for the time I had spent on ch1 I felt like I had spent the day chewing a piece of rubber dipped in milk (*pukes*) 

Yes! I am apprehensive because all said and done I am leaving a job and a place which I love which gives me a decent salary to lead a luxurious life to do something which I have always wanted to do, but  which i KNOW will pay me much less and I don’t know how it will be like in a new place with new people. Its like being in a cozy cocoon for 2 years and suddenly stepping out into the darkness with a vain hope that I might turn into a butterfly while there are also equal chances that I perish the moment I step out of the cocoon. 

With such a motley of emotions playing around inside me I leave you with the hope that someday I shall be proud of this decision that i have taken and not regret it. 

I am going on to pursue a degree in Journalism from Asian College of Journalism here in Chennai. After an year I will hopefully have a job which will pay me to write. Being paid to write. I cant think of a better profession but that’s just my opinion now. Lets see what life brings on. I don’t know if I have taken the right decision but I DO know that if I don’t go now and don’t take up this opportunity I will forever regret not having tried to get out of IT at all.

Please wish me luck as I venture into strange waters.